Last November, I got sick. It felt a bit like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (I’ve had it before) but also a bit different.
Doctors checked for many things and treated some. After many months I was well enough to regularly drive 1 1/4 hours to the closest Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner for treatment. (Western medicine is not good at treating chronic fatigue, whereas Chinese medicine is.)
Nearly a year on, I do not have a diagnosis, but in my mind, it was burnout – a very physical manifestation. I was completely and utterly exhausted, and my body and mind told me in no uncertain terms to STOP.
Why did this happen? I thought I was doing a good job of managing my time. I was resting on weekends. But I was completely overworking during the week. I realised I wrote my book four times faster than my normal pace. No wonder I was exhausted!
Misguidedly, I had told my UK co-publisher that I should be able to write Hardanger Filling Stitches quickly. They put it in their schedule and released details to the world. You knew it was coming. And you were excited.
From then, the pressure did not let up. The release date moved several times because I wasn’t going to be done in time.
People complained that they’d ordered the book, and where was it? It was still being written! Any sooner and it would not have been the fabulous book you now have.
My strong sense of responsibility meant I didn’t want to let any of you down. So I ran myself into the ground getting the book done.
Self care is a lesson I’ll probably be learning for the rest of my life. I need to stop listening to all the people telling me what to do and asking me for things. I need to stop feeling guilty about resting and start putting my health first. I need to live my life the way I need to, for my health.
Every few years, I find myself reassessing my life and wondering if it’s time to do something else. What I do is valuable and brings many people great joy, but I need to be able to do it in my time and in my way.
I am not well yet. I am starting to wonder if I am now living my new normal. I am making future plans, but for now I’m continuing to take it slow, and hopefully continuing to heal.
White Threads is the blog of Yvette Stanton, the author, designer, publisher behind Vetty Creations' quality needlework books and embroidery products.
It’s such a difficult balance! I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with your health and I hope you get the answers you need to help you overcome the setbacks and that you begin to truly recover and overcome the issues that are giving you difficulty.
Thanks Cara.
I know it can be hard to take pressure off yourself, especially as you are probably the one who puts it on, but I do hope that becomes possible!
Thanks Rachel.
I’m so sorry, and I hope you’re able to get plenty of rest and recuperate!
Thanks Jean.
Well, I guess it’s sort of a good thing that nothing physical (disease, cancer, etc.) has been found? OTOH, if something were found, at least there’d be an answer and hopefully a treatment.
That’s a lot of stress you’ve been under to create such health woes. I think you’re right – eastern/alternative medicine might be better suited to helping you. Western medicine has just started learning about the effects of mental/emotional stress on the body. And then add in what we deal with at some doctors for being female…not listening to us, “it’s all in your head”, and “shove a pill at them and get them out of my office” type things.
I too hope this is not your new normal and that you get a good rest in and recover.
Yes, it’s always good when you can rule out nasty things! My doctor is female, and she’s wonderful. I’m very fortunate, especially living in a small country town where doctors are few and far between. Thank you for your good wishes.
Hi, Yvette! So thankful that you are on the road to healing. I understand burnout all too well. I suddenly and inexplicably dropped all of my beloved needlework about a year and a half ago. It bothered me that I had, without warning, completely lost all interest in it. After some reflection, I realized that I had begun to put pressure on myself to *produce* rather than doing it for enjoyment and relaxation. Unlike you, I had the luxury of walking away before it took a toll on my physical health.
Now I am slowly, tentatively beginning to dabble again, catching up on a few blogs that I used to enjoy (including yours and Mary Corbet’s). I finally ordered the fabric for that embroidered shirt from your *Elegant Hardanger* book, and your new *Hardanger Filling Stitches* book is on my Christmas wish list (for my family to choose my gifts from). I have a half-dozen projects waiting to be finished, as well. No pressure this time. I’m also in the middle of a job change that I’m hoping will reduce the stress significantly.