Maybe you feel like this too?

When my classes didn’t run at the World Needlework Convention last year, I was absolutely humiliated that so many other classes did (some even sold out) yet mine didn’t.

I felt honoured that I/my classes were chosen to be in the program as I don’t feel like I have the credentials. I wasn’t trained at the Royal School of Needlework – I’m just a self-taught girl from Australia. I don’t do “popular” forms of embroidery – mine often looks intimidating and therefore fewer people choose do it.

At a Sydney craft show someone said, “I’m going to the World Needlework Convention, but I’m not doing one of your classes because I can do one with you any time.” As I already knew it was unlikely that I would be going, it felt like she was sticking the knife in and twisting it! I don’t teach a lot, and I’m of the opinion that if the opportunity presents itself for something you want to do, grab it with both hands because it may not be offered again!

I probably present as an amazing, capable woman who has written multiple books, taught domestically and internationally, while (for those of you who know me and my family personally) sharing in the raising of two delightful and admirable young women.

But inside, I feel like I don’t measure up. People say nice things but I don’t believe them. Instead I believe “you’re not good enough because people didn’t want to do your classes at the conference.” (It’s happened more than once. Again, humiliating.)

I’m working on changing the self-talk but it’s so hard when you have believed for so long that you’re not good enough.

I’ve learned that whenever one large guild surveys their members on who they’d like as a teacher, my name repeatedly comes up. Yet, they’ve never invited me. Old me says, “yeah, you’re not good enough.” New me acknowledges I have no idea of their reason for not inviting me. I can’t read their minds.

Others can say 20 million lovely things, yet it’s the one negative thing that we will hear. If you’re like me and you struggle with feeling like you don’t measure up, let me gently say, “try to believe the evidence otherwise” and I will try to do this too. It’s going to take some time for me to learn to believe it.